I'm In Love

Puppy Love , Love Struck , Crazy Love ... Etc.
All could not explain what I am felling inside

When you love someone
and be love in return

... I guess sometimes dreams do come true

Pre-Resolution Verdict for 2011

Lose Weight
Verdict : Achieved, My lovely Jibek still maintain and but somehow my weight have drop steadfastly that I am proud to say that I am a proud owner of bodyliciously gorgeousManage DebtVerdict : Achieved, I mange my debt wisely. Debt free by 2013. In momentum now.

Save Money
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to save more on some item that I don’t shop anymore. I didn’t even go to any warehouse sale and I spent less due to my muse Zil who somehow show me there is more to life than just shopping and being vain

Get a Better Job
Verdict : Achieved. I am currently working in industry where there appreciate me most and the best part is that my boss is a lady that think highly of m,e even though I have my fair share of being abnormal.

Get Fit
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to conquer Penang Bridge and KL marathon and inevitably will lead to next 42K full Marathon ..Drink Less Alcoholic Beverages
Verdict : Failed, I did my fair share of being drunk and all …. But in the process of sobriety

Quit Smoking
Verdict : Failed after too many attempts. Still a smoker but have degrade to social smoker now due to cigarettes being so expensive.

Reduce Stress
Verdict : Achieved. Aside from the sex, I manage to do Pilates and running earlier in the year.

Reduce Stress @ Work
Verdict : Achieved , I Love My Job.

Holiday
Verdict: Achieved. Nuff said

Volunteer Work
Verdict : Achieved and as in now being a best friend to the Volunteering community

Better Education
Verdict : Achieved and in momentum

Out of 12 : I only failed 2. I am impressed

Well I would say I have made myself very proud this year .. And looking forward for next year to build new resolution and achieved those failed one

PS: Next year might lead to a very very big vast extreme difference in ME …so just hold on tight there coz there might be a twist in the story line that excite everybody…Including ME.

Love Pretender

*Do u mind if i cut your throat for my love ?

You may not believe it
But I don’t believe in miracles anymore
Reality is just black and white

Ok that is an excerpt from a song
But the point is here
I don’t believe in miracles

And that includes love
I mean how someone can love another stranger

I read it in a book that I am currently reading
Yeah I took up reading in the meantime while waiting for bitches nowadays

It stated:
To Clare
Who thought me all I know about love
And still trusts me enough to fall asleep beside me
From book: How to love

I’m reading halfway and I found myself realize that
I am a bad person for someone to love
I realize also that I am a narcissist
(Like that is new …)
And that is the reason of all my fail relationship

And at one point I do remember telling someone this...
“Ok, enough about me. Lets talk about you … what do u thinks of me?”
Ok yeah it may sound deluded to talk about oneself too much
But at some point
I do believe e it is never enough to tell myself to the world about me ‘me me and me

And if it’s not that grand
There is always exaggeration to put in a bit if spice
Yeah... Exaggeration that makes a chair comfortable like a couch
That what I usually see it
But …not always … believe me...
(As again statement usually used by liars and psychopath …)

I guess this is just my nature to do this...

I am an evil narcissist with angel face and master of deceit.
Of Love

After Long gone

I don’t remember when the last time I actually wrote anything in here,
But I guess it doesn’t kill for me to write again
As we all know today is the first day of fasting month
I’m feeling bored so that is why I am writing to you
Anyway
A lot have happen
Most of it quite amusingly great
I am currently pursuing my degree
And I have just tendered my resignation
It will take me another 2 months for me to go to the new office
Well its supposed to be three but I guess they want me urgently then

Anyway.. I hope the job will make me a man and at the same time carries me to a higher grade in my career ladder.
Anyway enough about works ..

My relationship .. Ahhhh , Mr E
What can I say .. after 2 years .. I still have feelings for him
But after all this years of pursuing and nothing in return
I do feel that maybe it is time for me to move on
I do like him on bed
Bu t I do need someone that I can go out with
And enjoy our time together and not just in between four walls
And for 2 hours max on weekends

Anyway I do miss him sometimes
And I still do call him up
And being a two timer...is sort of an art by now

But reality is that I am currently dating
Yes, fucking bloody dating a Filipino
Ok First it was Joel…and he left to Philippines
And now again is MJ

Well, MJ is sort of optimistic in life kind of person
I just sometime want to tell him that life is not as peachy as u think it is
But I just don’t want to spoil his naiveness in life
Like me... I am a dark pessimist of life
But my exterior would look differently
Anyway
We run together
Do things together
Sleep together
And almost everything together
Well maybe now that its been 3 months..
That is why I felt like that
That I am doing a lot of stuff together
Where else probably not that much
But One thing that leads me to think that this is it
I have my toothbrush at his house
A parking space
And resident card.
A bloody resident card …who could ask for more


Ok I’m tired of typing .. we will meet again .. I hope tomorrow ?
And I will tell you all the story that we missed k ..
Till then .. bye

Mungkin...

I am having doubts of the way I am living now

I know the feeling is beautiful to be in love and all

but i want more

I want much more

And then my muse startled me

with the possibilities of a prayer

and Dream

Maybe I will

Maybe I wont

Whatever it is ..

I have taken the first step . I have print out the process.

And now all I need is the guts

to actualy ..

DO it.

Lets Start the New year With a Prayer...

This is an excerpt from a song
A very famous one in fact ..
but this song ...somehow make me realise that ..
Life is beautiful ..

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

When?

The last time I remeber about myself is that I am a self absorbed person
a boring one to be exact

but that all changes when I actually read a book
a personnel diary to be exact

and then it changes the reality of me
I am not self absorbed

I am selfish

All this while I have been talking about myself
what I want
When I want it
What and Who
and all the bourgois pig likes and wants

and I realise
What if I am not a capitalist minded

What If I turn my soul to Socilaist
(hmmm too big for my sould and brain to digest )

But When?
Im actually clueless in what I want
What I want to become
Im in the crossroad

I just dont know how to break it to them ...

Changes

Changes can be good or bad
One of my friend once say that
Changes
Think it as a good karma
I don’t like it
But hell I have to swallow it

And as time goes by
I realize that
Mommy does not have high hopes on me
She do not have
And do not believe my capabilities

How can I show her that this is wrong?
I know I am a superman

I know I am capable of moving the world
But the fact that she doesn’t believe in me
Make me feel so bad about myself

The one that I love the most do not believe in me
So how can I believe in myself

So I guess
I just have to believe in myself

Call me a bitch
But sometimes …all in all
It is up to you in the end

Pre-Resolution Verdict for 2010

Lose Weight
Verdict : Achieved, My lovely Jibek still maintain and but somehow my weight have drop steadfastly that I am proud to say that I am a proud owner of bodyliciously gorgeous

Manage Debt
Verdict : Achieved, I mange my debt wisely. Debt free by 2013. In momentum now.

Save Money
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to save more on some item that I don’t shop anymore. I didn’t even go to any warehouse sale and I spent less due to my muse Zil who somehow show me there is more to life than just shopping and being vain

Get a Better Job

Verdict : Failed. I am not only failed to get a better job but I am currently offered (forced) to take a job that I hate most but somehow as they say .. Whatever I touch will turn into gold .. So be it..

Get Fit

Verdict: Failed, I stop running or anything to do with health conscious because I believe that…. Nothing I have no reason on failing on this resolution. Fuck

Drink Less Alcoholic Beverages

Verdict : Failed: I got drunk once in company dinner, So I fuck miserably then.

Quit Smoking
Verdict : Failed after too many attempts. Still a smoker but have degrade to social smoker now due to cigarettes being so expensive.

Reduce Stress

Verdict : Achieved. Aside from the sex, I manage to do Pilates earlier in the year.

Reduce Stress @ Work
Verdict : Achieved , I have build up my repo and somehow life start to look good as everybody hates me for being very vengefully evil …oppss excuse me ..not evil just morally challenged

Holiday

Verdict: Achieved. Nuff said

Volunteer Work
Verdict : Achieved and as in now being a best friend to the Volunteering community

Better Education
Verdict : Achieved and in momentum

Out of 12 : I only failed 4. I am impressed

*pat myself on the back and say "we will do better next year, mate "

A Letter to the Management.

A letter To the Company HR

Sly Company

Dear Sir,

In accordance to my lifestyle and my lovely working attribute to the company
I would like to inform that I would prefer to have a raised on the job scope and salary
Provided that I would have a raised 510 % of my current salary, 1% raise on jobscope and decrease of 30% on working hours.

If that is not possible
I would like to pin point what I have done to the organization:

I have made to realize that the organization needs to be gay to be productive and proactive.
I have made to realize that the organization process need to be improve to be gay friendly
I have made to realize that the organization is not really squeezing the full potential of the cleaners
I have made to realize that blog hopping and facebooking at work is a full potential of increasing revenue and marketing purposes
I have made to realize that the organization head counts need to be increase in order for them to be indispensable to company productivity of the HR
I have made to realize that the system that we have currently is bias towards the Manager. The manager will be liable for the miscommunication in their sub in their blog and not vice versa
I have made to realize all the work that is to be done can be / will be / shall be pass to upper level for them to sort things out themselves.
Above all this: I have also made to realize that we work as what we are paid for: the working class people

Thus with all the changes made to the organization
I would like to take this opportunity for them to reassess on the possibility
Of me staying in my position and earn more than the CEO.

Thank you for your kind consideration

Yours Productively
Gorgeously Great