When?

The last time I remeber about myself is that I am a self absorbed person
a boring one to be exact

but that all changes when I actually read a book
a personnel diary to be exact

and then it changes the reality of me
I am not self absorbed

I am selfish

All this while I have been talking about myself
what I want
When I want it
What and Who
and all the bourgois pig likes and wants

and I realise
What if I am not a capitalist minded

What If I turn my soul to Socilaist
(hmmm too big for my sould and brain to digest )

But When?
Im actually clueless in what I want
What I want to become
Im in the crossroad

I just dont know how to break it to them ...