Peah Pungut

Pre-Resolution Verdict for 2011

2011-12-21T14:21:00.002+08:00

Lose Weight
Verdict : Achieved, My lovely Jibek still maintain and but somehow my weight have drop steadfastly that I am proud to say that I am a proud owner of bodyliciously gorgeousManage DebtVerdict : Achieved, I mange my debt wisely. Debt free by 2013. In momentum now.

Save Money
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to save more on some item that I don’t shop anymore. I didn’t even go to any warehouse sale and I spent less due to my muse Zil who somehow show me there is more to life than just shopping and being vain

Get a Better Job
Verdict : Achieved. I am currently working in industry where there appreciate me most and the best part is that my boss is a lady that think highly of m,e even though I have my fair share of being abnormal.

Get Fit
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to conquer Penang Bridge and KL marathon and inevitably will lead to next 42K full Marathon ..Drink Less Alcoholic Beverages
Verdict : Failed, I did my fair share of being drunk and all …. But in the process of sobriety

Quit Smoking
Verdict : Failed after too many attempts. Still a smoker but have degrade to social smoker now due to cigarettes being so expensive.

Reduce Stress
Verdict : Achieved. Aside from the sex, I manage to do Pilates and running earlier in the year.

Reduce Stress @ Work
Verdict : Achieved , I Love My Job.

Holiday
Verdict: Achieved. Nuff said

Volunteer Work
Verdict : Achieved and as in now being a best friend to the Volunteering community

Better Education
Verdict : Achieved and in momentum

Out of 12 : I only failed 2. I am impressed

Well I would say I have made myself very proud this year .. And looking forward for next year to build new resolution and achieved those failed one

PS: Next year might lead to a very very big vast extreme difference in ME …so just hold on tight there coz there might be a twist in the story line that excite everybody…Including ME.

Love Pretender

2011-08-03T11:17:00.002+08:00

*Do u mind if i cut your throat for my love ?

You may not believe it
But I don’t believe in miracles anymore
Reality is just black and white

Ok that is an excerpt from a song
But the point is here
I don’t believe in miracles

And that includes love
I mean how someone can love another stranger

I read it in a book that I am currently reading
Yeah I took up reading in the meantime while waiting for bitches nowadays

It stated:
To Clare
Who thought me all I know about love
And still trusts me enough to fall asleep beside me
From book: How to love

I’m reading halfway and I found myself realize that
I am a bad person for someone to love
I realize also that I am a narcissist
(Like that is new …)
And that is the reason of all my fail relationship

And at one point I do remember telling someone this...
“Ok, enough about me. Lets talk about you … what do u thinks of me?”
Ok yeah it may sound deluded to talk about oneself too much
But at some point
I do believe e it is never enough to tell myself to the world about me ‘me me and me

And if it’s not that grand
There is always exaggeration to put in a bit if spice
Yeah... Exaggeration that makes a chair comfortable like a couch
That what I usually see it
But …not always … believe me...
(As again statement usually used by liars and psychopath …)

I guess this is just my nature to do this...

I am an evil narcissist with angel face and master of deceit.
Of Love

After Long gone

2011-08-01T12:51:00.002+08:00

I don’t remember when the last time I actually wrote anything in here,
But I guess it doesn’t kill for me to write again
As we all know today is the first day of fasting month
I’m feeling bored so that is why I am writing to you
Anyway
A lot have happen
Most of it quite amusingly great
I am currently pursuing my degree
And I have just tendered my resignation
It will take me another 2 months for me to go to the new office
Well its supposed to be three but I guess they want me urgently then

Anyway.. I hope the job will make me a man and at the same time carries me to a higher grade in my career ladder.
Anyway enough about works ..

My relationship .. Ahhhh , Mr E
What can I say .. after 2 years .. I still have feelings for him
But after all this years of pursuing and nothing in return
I do feel that maybe it is time for me to move on
I do like him on bed
Bu t I do need someone that I can go out with
And enjoy our time together and not just in between four walls
And for 2 hours max on weekends

Anyway I do miss him sometimes
And I still do call him up
And being a two timer...is sort of an art by now

But reality is that I am currently dating
Yes, fucking bloody dating a Filipino
Ok First it was Joel…and he left to Philippines
And now again is MJ

Well, MJ is sort of optimistic in life kind of person
I just sometime want to tell him that life is not as peachy as u think it is
But I just don’t want to spoil his naiveness in life
Like me... I am a dark pessimist of life
But my exterior would look differently
Anyway
We run together
Do things together
Sleep together
And almost everything together
Well maybe now that its been 3 months..
That is why I felt like that
That I am doing a lot of stuff together
Where else probably not that much
But One thing that leads me to think that this is it
I have my toothbrush at his house
A parking space
And resident card.
A bloody resident card …who could ask for more

Ok I’m tired of typing .. we will meet again .. I hope tomorrow ?
And I will tell you all the story that we missed k ..
Till then .. bye

Mungkin...

2011-02-01T14:17:00.003+08:00

I am having doubts of the way I am living now

I know the feeling is beautiful to be in love and all

but i want more

I want much more

And then my muse startled me

with the possibilities of a prayer

and Dream

Maybe I will

Maybe I wont

Whatever it is ..

I have taken the first step . I have print out the process.

And now all I need is the guts

to actualy ..

DO it.

Lets Start the New year With a Prayer...

2011-01-01T15:06:00.005+08:00

This is an excerpt from a song
A very famous one in fact ..
but this song ...somehow make me realise that ..
Life is beautiful ..

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

When?

2010-12-20T17:16:00.002+08:00

The last time I remeber about myself is that I am a self absorbed person
a boring one to be exact

but that all changes when I actually read a book
a personnel diary to be exact

and then it changes the reality of me
I am not self absorbed

I am selfish

All this while I have been talking about myself
what I want
When I want it
What and Who
and all the bourgois pig likes and wants

and I realise
What if I am not a capitalist minded

What If I turn my soul to Socilaist
(hmmm too big for my sould and brain to digest )

But When?
Im actually clueless in what I want
What I want to become
Im in the crossroad

I just dont know how to break it to them ...

Changes

2010-11-15T15:59:00.003+08:00

Changes can be good or bad
One of my friend once say that
Changes
Think it as a good karma
I don’t like it
But hell I have to swallow it

And as time goes by
I realize that
Mommy does not have high hopes on me
She do not have
And do not believe my capabilities

How can I show her that this is wrong?
I know I am a superman

I know I am capable of moving the world
But the fact that she doesn’t believe in me
Make me feel so bad about myself

The one that I love the most do not believe in me
So how can I believe in myself

So I guess
I just have to believe in myself

Call me a bitch
But sometimes …all in all
It is up to you in the end

Pre-Resolution Verdict for 2010

2010-11-09T11:49:00.003+08:00

Lose Weight
Verdict : Achieved, My lovely Jibek still maintain and but somehow my weight have drop steadfastly that I am proud to say that I am a proud owner of bodyliciously gorgeous

Manage Debt
Verdict : Achieved, I mange my debt wisely. Debt free by 2013. In momentum now.

Save Money
Verdict: Achieved, I manage to save more on some item that I don’t shop anymore. I didn’t even go to any warehouse sale and I spent less due to my muse Zil who somehow show me there is more to life than just shopping and being vain

Get a Better Job

Verdict : Failed. I am not only failed to get a better job but I am currently offered (forced) to take a job that I hate most but somehow as they say .. Whatever I touch will turn into gold .. So be it..

Get Fit

Verdict: Failed, I stop running or anything to do with health conscious because I believe that…. Nothing I have no reason on failing on this resolution. Fuck

Drink Less Alcoholic Beverages

Verdict : Failed: I got drunk once in company dinner, So I fuck miserably then.

Quit Smoking
Verdict : Failed after too many attempts. Still a smoker but have degrade to social smoker now due to cigarettes being so expensive.

Reduce Stress

Verdict : Achieved. Aside from the sex, I manage to do Pilates earlier in the year.

Reduce Stress @ Work
Verdict : Achieved , I have build up my repo and somehow life start to look good as everybody hates me for being very vengefully evil …oppss excuse me ..not evil just morally challenged

Holiday

Verdict: Achieved. Nuff said

Volunteer Work
Verdict : Achieved and as in now being a best friend to the Volunteering community

Better Education
Verdict : Achieved and in momentum

Out of 12 : I only failed 4. I am impressed

*pat myself on the back and say "we will do better next year, mate "

A Letter to the Management.

2010-10-25T10:51:00.002+08:00

A letter To the Company HR

Sly Company

Dear Sir,

In accordance to my lifestyle and my lovely working attribute to the company
I would like to inform that I would prefer to have a raised on the job scope and salary
Provided that I would have a raised 510 % of my current salary, 1% raise on jobscope and decrease of 30% on working hours.

If that is not possible
I would like to pin point what I have done to the organization:

I have made to realize that the organization needs to be gay to be productive and proactive.
I have made to realize that the organization process need to be improve to be gay friendly
I have made to realize that the organization is not really squeezing the full potential of the cleaners
I have made to realize that blog hopping and facebooking at work is a full potential of increasing revenue and marketing purposes
I have made to realize that the organization head counts need to be increase in order for them to be indispensable to company productivity of the HR
I have made to realize that the system that we have currently is bias towards the Manager. The manager will be liable for the miscommunication in their sub in their blog and not vice versa
I have made to realize all the work that is to be done can be / will be / shall be pass to upper level for them to sort things out themselves.
Above all this: I have also made to realize that we work as what we are paid for: the working class people

Thus with all the changes made to the organization
I would like to take this opportunity for them to reassess on the possibility
Of me staying in my position and earn more than the CEO.

Thank you for your kind consideration

Yours Productively
Gorgeously Great

To God I slave my soul’d for

2010-10-18T14:40:00.002+08:00

Raya Haji Special Post

When you are confuse to what you want in life
To whom do you ask for from?

GOD

Well that is what they preach

But when it comes to sin and long windy road
Sometimes it is hard for you to actually denied
The temptress and temptation is to hard to resist
I am not a person who will be blaming for others
For my own wrongdoings
And …definitely you don’t pray for it
For it to come to your way

So when finally a person comes to me
And ask for what I want in life
For her to pray for me at Mecca

All I did is ask for two things

By God’s willing: please let me be a son that my mom would dream a son should be
By God’s willing: Please let my fate be that what my mom would want my fate to be

And I know this is hypocrisy
But deep down.. this is actually me

Weirdos

2010-09-06T12:40:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I met the worst kind of weirdo.. Mother of all weirdos

I have no idea...but sometimes I am destine to meet this people in my life

First,
he could not accept me that I am mentally sane now
and it is ok to be talking to shrink ...and on medication sometime

Secondly,
he made up stories of the worst kind
I mean if exxageration is a person .
well, you definitely see him as the spokeperson

Thirdly,
If exxageration is bad enough ,
lies is the unbearable part of it ...

I guess some people just like to live in dream world

and I thought I need help with myself ....

Break My Sin : So help me God

2010-09-04T14:58:00.002+08:00

After all this effort ..
and all my loving

he accidentally found out on us

I am not sure what to say

Happy ,Grateful, Gleefull, Delight

Excited that something that I hide all this while have been open

Released

.....

I am so glad that he likes the Poppers.

May our relationship burst with individuality
and flourish with comprehend

and to think that someone would be fucked up on all of this bullshit

I'm bored with him

2010-09-01T12:36:00.002+08:00

As the relationship grow older
I am getting bored out of it
The reason is
He seem to have lost interest in me
Or maybe I have lost interest in him
I started looking around

I found pleasure in poppers
I must admit this is an outstanding discovery
I wish I could share it with him
But I am not sure whether he will join me
On this sinful act

So in the end
I just have to make do with others

But the point when he says
I will always left behind by boys like you
Make me just want o hold him much closer

I realized also that I am the one who chooses this option
And thus it is my fault
And that I should bear with it
But it is my fault
That I can't bear the option of having option

I am thirsty

2010-08-24T13:46:00.000+08:00

I am thirsty.
I need water to move on...
Water to cleanse my soul
Water to clear my sins
Water to give me hope
Water to freshen me up
At the same time

I need to water to be pumped out from my body
I nee d to take away this toxic waste
To discarded from my system
And I never really need it on the first place

Yes. I am thirsty
Thirsty for love
Thirsty for water
Thirsty for friendship
Thirsty for beautiful people
I am blinded by my thirst

Will I be killed by my thirst.

Ps: I got gifts from my frens and the best from my ex. Bob.

Birthday Present : The Gift of a lifetime

2010-08-23T17:53:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend ..I went from "in open relationship"...to "Single"
And then …On Sunday … I am attached

And today I am officially in love again ..
All over again

And it all started with .. “I’m sorry. We try to hold on . I love you”

The best birthday present ever ….

Anticipation

2010-08-20T12:35:00.001+08:00

I have sore throat..
And I think I am coming down with a fever
But the fact that tonight I am going to meet Mr. E
Give me the courage that I need to be ok
I need to be on my feet and hold him
I can’t wait to meet him
It has been 3 weeks since we last met
All the obstacles
And after this.. It would be another 4 more weeks before we meet again
I talk to him yesterday
I call him up
He said he was expecting to receive an sms by today to confirm
But he was surprise to receive a call yesterday

Somehow I feel that
He is no longer interested in me
Maybe
…

Maybe what I need to do
Is to write down a list

Yeah as if I have the guts to ask him …

I wonder why he is doing this to me …
I do wonder

Infidelity = Open Relationship

2010-08-19T17:46:00.001+08:00

Wake up to the sound of doorbell
Somehow I found myself struggling to get to my phone

Wow, an SMS early this morning
And from someone whom I just met

“Wake Up sunshine”

“I’m down with Flu. Still in bed but working later on “

Could not believe that my affair is loving me
More than my lover

I guess having an affair is somewhat a breath of fresh air
To my mundane life

He does not even know I exist
But this person does
This person care

But I deserve someone better
I just know it

If I were a Women: Zsa Zsa Gabor

2010-08-18T16:23:00.003+08:00

I have no Idea why
but I look up to wome who are bitchy and born to be dominatrix

Imaginarily : I would love to be like them
In control and undoubtedly with a lot of courage

And Zsa Zsa Gabor...show me that ..

Well I guess I just have to follow Paris Hilton's footsteps then ...

Salvatore Ferragamo: Shoes from Fairy Tales

2010-08-12T17:50:00.004+08:00

Salvatore Ferragamo ...He is a muse to my imaginary being

and this is a short story about him ..
Salvatore Ferragamo's story reads like a fashion fairy tale.
Ferragamo, born in Bonito, Italy, began making shoes when he was nine for his sisters to wear to be confirmed in church. After studying shoemaking in Naples, Ferragamo opened a small shoe store in his parent's home before moving to Boston in 1914 to work in a cowboy boot factory.

He then moved to Hollywood where he began making custom shoes for stars of the day such as Joan Crawford and Gloria Swanson. He returned to Italy in 1927 and officially started his namesake label.

Ferragamo has long been considered a shoe innovator--inventing the wedge heel, shell-shaped sole, the 'invisible' sandal and metal heels. Following his death in 1960, his widow, Wanda, took over the company.

Do I really need this?

2010-08-11T12:45:00.001+08:00

When I was young I was thought to really

calculate on my expenses

and My dad still keep his microsoft excel budgeting ..

back then it is call ..hmmmm

I am not quite too sure what it is call now...

We are not that rich

but we are fulfilled

coming from a working class community

I had my share of ups and down in financial

but my dad is really a champ of it all

He manage to get through all this..

Effortlessly

AND WE LIVE MODERATELY.

But it was the best part of my life

and when I look back at how I am living now

I wonder ..

Do I really need all of this ..

And I start clearing up my wardrobe and give to those need it more

and to tell you the truth ....

It feels much better than having it in my room

untouch

I guess I have grown up to be like my parents

And I like it ... a lot.

The White Canvas

2010-08-09T11:10:00.003+08:00

I was on my way to work today
And I listen to my normal station
And suddenly I felt moved by this speaker

She was talking about life and its purpose
And that if someone does not find their purpose of life
Will eventually lead to depression
I have email the station to give me details of this speaker
And I don’t mind to spend some quality time with her works

I am aware that I am too going through the phase of an enigma
On what to chose for my purpose of life
But what I think I want to become
Is to be a person
That somehow makes the world a better place to live in

I know I will not be like Mother Teresa
Or anyone near to it,
For poverty and unprovoked
Leads me to anger of the world insolvency

I want to be someone
A Chef
An inventor
A volunteer
AN ALL ROUNDER…

Then it all comes down to:
To be just like My DAD

QUOTE OF THE DAY
Peace begins with a smile.

Mother Teresa

Envy… Don’t Envy Me

2010-08-02T13:24:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last have this mix feeling
But yesterday... While I was looking through my facebook
I notice a guy whom I don’t remember added
But looking at his profile
And looking at his pictures
I can’t help it if I start to become envious of his life
And he is only 25…

And after that …I realize
I am still unsure of what I want to become
What I want to achieve
I mean … I know there is a target and everything
But I can’t help it if I get envious over people who
Has achieve sooo much in their life
I am looking at my life now
And I think I have setback a lot
I think this is due to me
On complementing on my own achievement
That is not that much by the way…

So I did my googling on envy
And then I realize that it is a human nature …
(That’s some ground breaking news I got there don’t you think ...)
And I somehow make terms to overcome this envy feeling
…
Yeah as if there is a cure to my bad behavior

But I think I will try to tackle this with 28 days of habit renewal
(That is inclusive of my addiction with Sex; yeah ...I am a sex addict)

Thailand : Survived

2010-07-29T17:37:00.002+08:00

I came back with a smile on my face

It was good ...I am definitely going back for more

Thailand : Beautiful Nightmare

2010-07-23T11:04:00.001+08:00

I will be going to Thailand tonight

And hope all is fine

Reason why I still like Mr. E

2010-07-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night , I went to see a chatters
Yes .. I know.. I did my share of infidelity
But it was not as peachy and beautiful as you would imagine
Yeah.. When it come to infidelity
The worst part is that
You know that you are wrong and you regretted the time that you spent
With him

So it was the best moments for him
A dinner and talk about everything under the sun
And I took him for a walk at the park after that
The wind was rushing
We were hit by rain in the park
Looking at the lights and people making out
Holding hands
French kissed under the palm trees..

I am so bad to play with other people’s heart

I just want my Mr. E back today

Kampung Boy in the City

2010-07-13T14:00:00.003+08:00

I was just going through my night market like usual
And there it was

Sugar Cane Stick

I know everyone drink sugar cane
And everyone know its normal to have them
But I found it rather profound
That it was there in the middle of my sub urban area

I resistant to buy it at first
Maybe because the price is quite expensive
But alas . I bought it
I munch it like I used to do it when I was young
When I used to dream
When life was simple

When I was just a Kampung Boy
I feel Like I am still a Kampung Boy

And I would like to shout out now

I AM STILL A KAMPUNG BOY

Memory of Mr E: Singalong

2010-07-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

It was like yesterday that I first met him on that stormy night
And it was quite funny how it all started up

~ his head on my lap lying down, while my hands caress his hair, going through his receding hair. He control his remote and I just watch whatever is on. And he turn:

“You know this song?”

And I started singing along. He did the same too but in our lowest voice as to pretend that there is nothing going on with the emotion of the song that we are both singing.

“It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life”

I feel the same way too Mr. E.

Training on My Job

2010-07-11T13:30:00.002+08:00

I realise that whatever I am saying here is going to be considered to the company.

But I am still going to say it out still.

I am a very bad Employee and I have to thank it to my lack of training in my line.

the worst part about all of this is ...

No matter how I am trying to be as professional as I can

I know there are people who looks down on me

but hell, Do I really need to take notice on that...

PS: Mr E bought me a shirt in Singapore. And he put on a video of Debbie Boon while I sing along. And he thought I didnt know but was surprised that I know word by word of the song.

-Happy-

Friday : The Sweetest day of the Week

2010-07-09T16:55:00.004+08:00

Beatiful Friday Schedule :

7.00 am : Sleep still

8.00 am : Woke up to Voltron: Defender of the Universe

9.00 am : Lying on my bed thinking should I masturbate or not ...(save it for tonight for Mr . E)

10.00 am : 2 min early to work . better early than late right!! Went out to take breakfast for 15 min later...(hey !!! I Need to look at least decently healthy to start my day)

11.00 am : Blog hopping; Reading other people blog about their stupidity. and fell in love with my new blog encounter

12.00 pm : preparing for lunch . and start to look busy so that boss would think that I have a job to settle . looking hard at monitor and still reading blogs. thinking of shopping online but had to restrain myself now that I have a lot of commitments ...saving for my Thailand trip.

1.00 pm : Lunch : Chicken Rice with Ice Lime Tea.

2.00 pm : try to look busy by going to Noyen's place .. chat there for an hour ...or is it more

3.00pm : Tea time . Enjoying myself doing nothing and sipping tea from my Noritake's Collection.

4.00 pm : everybody busy packing to go back ; I am busy tring to look busy so that boss would take notice .

5.00 pm : Writing my blog . Just realise that I have not updated. And look busy with typing : Boss found me very hardworking. I am such a darling angel in this company ... dont you think so ?

6.00 pm : I will go back and take my dinner

7.00 pm : Maybe I will either sleep or watch tv drama

8.00 pm : Continue my sleep

9.00 pm : Sleeping still

10.00 pm : At Mr. E house, having my great sex.

1.00pm : At home sleeping continues

I know everyone hate my life schedule

but what option do I have ..

Especially Mr. E ...

I think he is the only thorns in this perfect life

he is something irrisistable but toxic to me (and my Life plan)

Otherwise my life seem perfect.

Blog Hopping: The Search for Love in Manhattan

2010-07-08T13:24:00.003+08:00

I was practically doing my usual things in the office and I stumble upon this
I did'nt go through it all....
but somenow I fall in love with it

It makes life seem perfect to read about dream life

just an excerpt from the blog that makes me fall for it

January 02, 2010

This afternoon:

E.S.: Ooh, your hands are really cold.
FAUSTUS: Just like my heart.
E.S.: No, because the temperature of your hands can be measured in Fahrenheit and Celsius, not Kelvin.
FAUSTUS: ...
E.S.: ...
FAUSTUS: A little obvious, but well done.
E.S.: Hmph.

Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:49 PM Comments

New Year Resolution : Half Year Report

2010-07-07T15:01:00.014+08:00

Six months have gone by and now I can actually see how the momentum is going on with my life. And this is my half year report for 2010

Lose Weight:

I think I had made progress in with this the moment I was admitted, I lose a lot of fat and sludge in my tummy that the moment I came back to reality. I can feel that I have a brand new body. But to maintain this figure is another problem … (OK, I know I still have my lovely Jibek to thank to for this).
The Plan:I will only eat self made salad every Thursday and will bake or cook my food with healthy food.

* Salad Lunch Every Thursday

* No Ice Cream / Cakes on Wednesday

After Six months: I have failed this miserably and somehow Microwave food is my only friend now onwards) (hahahhaha please include Donuts in that list please …hahahah)

Manage Debt

I think My debt is definitely on the verge of making my life unbearable but somehow I think I need my dad consultation on this. SO on how to manage Debt.. I will sit down with Dad and talk over tea on this (Definitely with Earl Grey)

*Dad to council

After Six Months: Still depending on Dad's money loans

but my study loans are all paid up

My car loan is offsetted immidiately by the bank

and my bills...what bills..??? ~ sort off free of debt

Save Money

I do think that I need to save my money on certain things.So this year resolution: I will spend less time on shopping. Thus I will cut down my shopping time to only 3 days in a week and the money that I don’t spend on shopping for any other days will be spend on Warehouse sale. (I think this is definitely achievable)

* Warehouse Sale is a must …Must apply leave on any of the event.

After 6 months and going. I think I have not splurge much and I think I am better in managing my debts now but still with consultation of my dad. and I am pretty proud of this too.

Get a Better Job

I love my job but somehow I think I am better off somewhere where they appreciate me better. So I was thinking of running for President. I will have to start by persuading my Boss to promote me to be his boss. HahahahhaI am on my way to get a better job. No Better still …My Dream Job ..The only way is to keep on surviving the current and to see the silver lining of my current job everyday and hope that I will make through the day with it with a smile on my face at the end of the day

* will start to greet my workplace people with attitude …Divaliciously attitude

After 6 Months: I think this is the best part of my resolution that I manage to achieve now. Everyone hates me except my boss ....hahahhaha

Get Fit

I think every year I will make this resolution with little improvements and this year I will make a point to it to make a bigger impact. I will take up running.

*will start with fun run this year to get a hang of it

After Six months : Still not doing anything about it and hell increase on the amount of sleep though

Drink Less Alcoholic Beverages

I think I have made progress over my addiction of this sinful drink over a couple of years but I am determined to stop drinking by the time I am 30’s.

*So I will start with 50% cut down on this sinful drink and by end of June.

After Six Months: My new fav Drink …Bintang Indonesia

Quit Smoking

Last year I made unreasonable attempt to quit smoking by going cold turkey several times. And as usual to no avail. And this year I will make the attempt again till I am fully free from Lit Tobacco Inhaling by going 70 % cut down on intake everyday. This is also to assist on my lungs on taking up running. 70% of cut down would be around 2 cigarettes a day.

*70 % cut down on inhaling lit Tobacco.

After six months: 3 Months of no smoking … but got 2 days I smoke a lot

Reduce Stress

Apart from stressful life I will be going through next year. I am determined to take up Pilates which I have stopped 2 years back again and start realizing it. As I will take up running and that will take a lot of hard work. I will make it a point to do Pilates every Wednesday. Apart from that, I will also be making a point to have sex every Friday to release sex tension. I have come to term with Mr E to assist me on having this goal materialized.

*Pilates on Wednesday and Sex On Friday with Mr. E

After Six months : Sex …the same routine but gets better everytime.
Pilates ..what is Pilates ..anything I know off ? I think I have amnesia over pilates.

Reduce Stress @ Work

I know my work is consider the most stressful work line people have ever known but somehow I found that it is not what people say it would be . I love the part that we don’t have deadline and talking is somehow one of my favorite things in life that I could not live without (and trust me : I can talk non stop for at least 3 hours over a stupid topic)But one thing that stresses me out most in my line of work is the people I work with. The Internal People I work with. I think this is considered normal for any type of organization and thus I will befriend them and will not ignore the potentiality of this person’s plots and action in bringing me down in any side. I will also start building up repo and new plan for a new extravagant portfolio on my career wise.

*Start plotting new scheme in shielding myself at work and working on my portfolio

After Six months : hehehhe did I say I did this while on working hours ..

Holiday

This is one resolution that never failed and I still put it on my priority list as last year did not go according to plan as someone decided to go bonkers and turn into a Tart.

*Somewhere of beaches and High Mountain

After six months : Just name it … and now my new addiction : Backpacking Alone

Volunteer Work

*This year will try top enroll in other Volunteer work like cancer society or for the blind.

After Six Months: will do my best in next six months (which again unlikely)

Better Education

*Looking forward and try to maintain the momentum that is currently going at full thrust.

After six months: I have finish my Diploma and will be going to my degree

Diary of a Young New Boy

2010-07-05T11:49:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

It was a week of pleasure and all
I manage to do my travelling alone
And the best part
I manage to find myself along the way
Yeah.. How would I say I manage to find my way?
Let just say I priorities accordingly now
I also find myself that I am able to be
Independent
I think I will stick to that
But there is still much to learn to know more to lead my life
Exuberantly beautiful

I love my life right now
Everything is going according to plan
My mom wants me to study again
But I am not quite too sure now
I think I need a bit more time for me to just
Feel a bit more relax before starting my degree
I know I am slow
But I think it is better than never right!
And my boss is delegating his work to me
I feel honored and all
And I think my colleagues are jealous of me
But I can’t blame them
I am the youngest after all
But.. I still think that I am considered old
To only hold such a position

All I wish is simple
To have money enough for me and my family
to travel around the world and without worries.

And fast cars and a few big houses too..

Oh I will review my half year report tomorrow k..

My Dad: The Travellers and me

2010-06-24T16:11:00.002+08:00

No matter how I love my country
It never kills me of my longings to travel to other part of the continent

I want to grow like me dad
A traveler
A husband
A good father
And above all
Himself

So what I start off as a journey tomorrow
Will probably have an impact on me for the future

Like my mom once said
“tahi lalat kat kaki nie sama cam abah. Mesti kuat berjalan ke negara orang”

Hopefully the statement
Will turn into prayers
And prayers turn into hope
And hope turns into life
And life ends beautiful

To my darling in life
I treasure you all
Up till now .. I have to say
I have achieve happiness

But I hope to see
Greatest happiness in future

Damn, I am Fucking sleepy

2010-06-21T16:07:00.000+08:00

Damn, I am Fucking sleepy
Please remind me not to masturbate too much
And Damn this fucking sleepiness is not fucking subside

Dumb Dirty Blond. The fact and figure

2010-06-18T12:45:00.002+08:00

I was sitting at our usual place
and talking about things that we usually talks
and do what we do best

and then I realise
It is a fact that I might be a Dumb Dirty Blond
but Might is again such a strong word

and then again ..
What is wrong being Dumb Dirty Blond
with Money on my mind.

I think that come in a packge in all human
it is just that we refuse to admit it sometimes

Crowfeet and Beautiful Life

2010-06-17T13:28:00.002+08:00

Lets talk about Love
Lets talk about TRUST
Lets talk about …what arr ?

Ohh shit I cant even remember the last lyrics to the bloody song
Must be my age is catching up

This morning someone was warning me
I frown too much
Hey…its my face …why should I bother right
WRONG

The moment I look myself in the mirror right away
I notice something
I HAVE BLOODY WRINKLES AND CROW FEET all over my forehead
(Not LOSER..thank god )
Well at least it is not that visible
BUT hey it is still there
Yeah I already contemplating of injecting myself
Botox or going under the knife to look younger
Or at least safe a decent amount of money for that

But as I look myself again in the mirror
I saw something else
I saw that I m aging with grace
Yeah with all the things that I have gone through
I think I manage to say that
This face and wrinkles have been through a lot
So let it be there

To remind me
That life is BEAUTIFUL
not once or will be
Just Simply Beautiful

Mirror Image of a Cute Boy

2010-06-16T13:26:00.002+08:00

I was once know this boy
Who is easily fall in love with words.
Quite exasperated of life
But at the same time
Enjoying his life
Like there is no tomorrow
The fact he is naïve
And always being misinterpreted
To be the best as what he could be
The vanity and conscious confidence
The carelessness with his heart
But most of all
The eccentricity

I found it in me
And him

Too close to be similar is not good
But what I intend to do is

To do what is best for him
Like I wish someone had done that to me
Earlier In life

And I don’t mind being his guardian angel
Because he reminded me of me back then.

Heaven on Earth

2010-06-15T15:28:00.002+08:00

Afternoon Fiesta after a heavy meal and a hot glass of milk
Is definitely heavenly

I found serenity in everything I do
Can’t help it if people envy me a lot nowadays….

I still chooses Him

2010-06-14T12:38:00.002+08:00

When it comes down to my religion
I always belief I have only one god
I don’t intend to make it as big issues
But all I can say is

We share the same belief in that one particular god
And the only difference is
We are different in thought
On how that god should be prayed upon

It might seem that I am betraying my religion
But I know, I am not
We all have the right to belief
And in the end it is us who will be judge by god
But to all members
I do not preach . but only to say
Maybe we can find a better way
Rather than in the arms with blood spill over our brothers
Over the same creation that god created
For all we know
None of us were created differently from one creator

So… God
I will try to be your good servants
Under the glory wisdom of You
Please direct me to the easiest path
So that I will be ready to lead this life

And so if I have sin
Forgive me Lord for I believe
That You are most gracious and merciful of all

I am naïve and least in depth of what I say
But this is what I say
And so if its wrong
So forgive me my fellow brothers

The beginning of a new chapter

2010-06-10T16:51:00.000+08:00

Counting hours to my life and death
And this will either be my new beginning
Or a next step of me
For whatever the reason is
This is me going at full thrust

No one sees this coming
But with the help of my trusted women
And the love that I have with money
Lust and travel
I need to do this

We plan as what human do
But what god plan for us
Is unthinkable and always graciously beautiful

Once fall does not mean beaten
And dream do comes true for those who wait.

This is my dream
And one step achieved …
Even late… but better now than never

Indonesia….My origins

2010-06-08T11:34:00.001+08:00

Terbangkan aku dengan garuda saktimu
Garuda sakti terbang menonggak ke bulan
Bila puteri dan hamba ketemu
Sudikah capaikan hamba angankan... ~ Putera Jogja Mahangseri

Counting days for me to backpack
I got my camera ready
I got my backpack ready
I got my batik lepas ready
I got all my necessities ready

BUT

Did I say I forgot about the passport?
Oh shit, I need to renew my passport

Oh and just in case
I did not come back alive
I want all my friends
And others to forgive my sin
And bear my food and drinks beforehand
For if there is any dispute between us
Forgive me for I am only human...

*precaution made wise by my partner in crime…

Friday : Sleepless in Seattle

2010-06-04T11:58:00.001+08:00

I did the unimaginable
I had it with Merv
Without feeling love
And I acted as if I was in love

But the problem is …
I was singing Katy Perry song
Thinking of you

I was thinking of him
The way he smells
Soothes me

The way he snores
Gives me sense of security

The way he hugs
Give me comfort in his arm

And that is just some of the things that remind me of him

His imperfection was perfect for me
but
Perfection was never in me on the first place

Reality Bites..And It bites deep

2010-06-02T13:10:00.001+08:00

So what happened yesterday ?

Nothing
We just have a chat and then … no,
No sex
No kiss
No physical affection ..
But one thing for sure
I got a verbal Diarhea after that with Yus
I guess I need to realize

All good things must come to an end

He is moving to Nilai.
With his big house and a swimming pool and all
By next year

I will travel there for him
But how long can my patience last

So I guess he was right

We were never were an item
We were just two strangers cross path
And shared beautiful moments
And take a new momentum as we past away

But up till then
I will be in love with him

Why do we hold on…

2010-06-01T12:43:00.001+08:00

There is a possibility that there is a happy ending
That is why people stay
And this is why I stayed

He never beg me
And as again .. like a moth to fire
I came back again
(I lost count but I think this should be my 5th)

People say that I am abused
People say I deserve better
I do say I deserve better
My heart somehow did not allow anyone better
So how can my soul move on to someone better

So if they say
That what we have is unimaginable outrageous
I would have to agree

But the only reason I can think off is
I can’t get his smell off my mind
I cant get his smile
I cant get his hand held tight
I cant get his kiss
I cant get the fact that I fell for him

What we share is undeniably short
But that short period of time
Touches me and spark me of hope
Hope that one day
Both of us can compromise
For each other flaws

Well I guess in the meantime
I just have to make do
With his style

The Power of Goodbye : Mr. E

2010-05-31T12:09:00.004+08:00

(awan mendung berarak on monday )

(I am playing chess of my life) ....

and the story goes :

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see it coming
But I finally have the guts to say it out
I finally broke up with him
Though it breaks my heart a million
I guess it was for the best for both of us
No …it is not a time where we are going to be separated anymore
This time around
It will be a finale

I don’t think he sees that coming
And I bet he thinks that I will beg him back
Done that too many times...
I love him too much ...
But I love myself more
And I will not let this toxic relationship
Ruin myself from getting myself the best man
Who appreciate me more than anyone else

The thing that I believe in love when I was with him :

Love is a drug
(Drugs kill.. love should be sweet not something that leads to confusion)

Love hurts
(No, love should never hurts nor be hurtful)

One changes as they age for maturity
(People don’t change for others…so go figure)

I will do anything for my true love…
(well not everything ..I have my dignity)

Last but not least ….and excerpt from the book that I just read:

“People do not leave their spouses because of physical or mental torture
Usually they left because they don’t feel appreciated”

And this :

“A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance.”

I was the one who made the decision to end it
And it is hardest for me to swallow my own judgement
But I know I will get through this

As Madonna Song says :

Your heart is not open
So I must go
The spell has been broken
I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson
I had to learn
I was your fortress
You had to burn
Pain is a warning that somethings wrong
I pray to God that it wont be long
Do you wanna go higher

Theres nothing left to try
Theres no place left to hide

Theres no greater power than the power of goodbye

A day before Holiday : Answered! Life's 25 Toughest Questions

2010-05-27T12:15:00.002+08:00

I read this while I try to maintain my consciousness at work this morning . Cant help it. I accidently masturbated before coming to work due to new clip being downloaded yesterday …Failed to help myself to abstain from masturbating..Only lasted for 2 days ..

Anyway…finally I am able to answered to life toughest question (aside of why am I still Gay?)

P/S: Question 11 explain my relationship with Zil ..LOL (kidding)

Can you believe this is a column in yahoo ..wow …

Answered! Life's 25 Toughest Questions
By Jeanne Marie Laskas

1. Can love really last a lifetime?

Absolutely -- but only if you chuck the fairy tale of living happily ever after. A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance. Pay a visit to a nursing home if you want to see proof of lasting love. Recently I spoke to a man whose wife of 60 years was suffering from advanced Alzheimer's disease. He came to sit with her every day and hold her hand. "She's been my best friend since high school," he told me. "We made a promise to stick together." Now, that's a love story.

2. Why do married folks begin to look like one another?

Watch any two people who like each other talking, and you'll see a lot of mirroring. One smiles, and so does the other. One nods or raises her eyebrows, and so does the other. Faces are like melodies with a natural urge to stay in sync. Multiply those movements by several decades of marriage, all those years of simultaneous sagging and drooping, and it's no wonder!

3. Can a marriage survive betrayal?

Yes. It takes time and work, but experts are pretty unanimous on this one. In her book The Monogamy Myth, Peggy Vaughan estimates that 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriages. That's no advertisement for straying -- but the news is good for couples hoping to recover from devastating breaches of trust. The offended partner needs to make the choice to forgive -- and learn to live with a memory that can't simply be erased. Infidelity is never forgotten, but it can gradually fade into the murky background of a strong, mature marriage.

4. Why does summer zoom by and winter drag on forever?

Because context defines experience. As Albert Einstein once said: "When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour."

5. Do animals really have a sixth sense?

Or seventh or eighth! A box jellyfish has 24 eyes, an earthworm's entire body is covered with taste receptors, a cockroach can detect movement 2,000 times the diameter of a hydrogen atom -- and your dog's sense of smell is up to 100,000 times greater than yours (some dogs have been known to smell human cancers). It's safe to say that animals experience a much different world than we do.

6. Why does the line you're in always move the slowest?

Because you're late for your kid's band practice, and you curse your luck and envy those speeding by. Conversely, when you're in the fast line, unfettered by stress, you don't even notice the poor schlubs in the slow lane. Good luck rarely commands one's attention like bad luck. (See answer on buttered toast, "The Ultimate Test," below.)

7. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life?

Any moment now. This used to be a question the young asked. Now it's a quandary for baby boomers. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that younger boomers have abandoned the American ideal of picking a job and sticking with it. Between the ages of 18 and 36, these boomers held an average of 9.6 jobs. That's a lot of exploration. The wisdom of elders in all cultures seems to be this: There's nothing to do with a life but live it. As Gandhi pointed out, "Almost anything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."

8. Where do traffic jams come from?

Scientists are hard at work on this one, studying computer models of the physics of gridlock and inventing all new traffic-light algorithms. Some of them postulate that the rhythms of automobile traffic are influenced by the same cyclical forces that cause waves in the ocean. For the average commuter, though, it may be helpful to think of it this way: congestion. There are just too many darn people trying to do the same thing at once. (Flush every toilet in a single office building simultaneously, and see what happens.) All of this by way of saying: Buy a newspaper, load up some favorite tunes on your MP3 player, and take the bus.9. When is your future behind you?When you stop chasing dreams. So don't stop!

10. Do you have to love your job?

No. Love your children, your spouse and your country. Love your parents, your neighbor and your dog. Loving is too important an emotion to attach to the way you make a living. But it's OK to strive for satisfaction. According to a recent Harris Poll, across America 59% of workers say they are extremely, somewhat or slightly satisfied with their jobs, but a depressing 33% feel as if they've reached a career dead end. If you're among the latter and thinking about a new job, consider the fact that employees in small firms said they felt more engaged in their work than did their corporate counterparts.

11. Can a man and a woman ever just be friends?

For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

12. When do you take away Grandpa's car keys?

Twenty-two states currently require frequent testing for senior drivers. The American Medical Association and the AARP, however, say safe driving has more to do with functional ability than age. True, seniors are more at risk for reduced vision, hearing loss and impairments associated with arthritis -- but all of these conditions depend on the individual. So when it seems to you that Pop is becoming a danger to himself and a danger to others, tell him straight. Point out that his reactions have slowed or his judgment is losing its edge. Suggest he not drive anymore. Be firm, but at the same time, don't treat him like a child. Allow him his dignity. Offer him a ride.

13. Do siblings who fight really end up liking each other?

I surveyed my older sisters, both of whom have vivid memories of how I tripped, pummeled, and whacked them with various large plastic dolls (hey, they started it -- they teased me!), and both confirmed my suspicion that nowadays they like me just fine. I sure like them. All the experts will tell you that fighting among siblings is normal. The key is how parents handle it. Rule No 1: Don't take sides. Never get into a discussion of who started what or what is more fair. Stop fights with a time-out for all offenders. My mother would send us to separate rooms. So we invented string phones and a pulley system to transport necessary treats and toys. And whatever we were fighting about was forgotten.

14. How do you know when to end a friendship?

As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

15. Why do we turn into our parents when we swore we wouldn't?
Because really, when all is said and done, we admire them.

16. Can a half-empty person become a half-full person?

A current theory is that people have an "emotional set point." Some folks are just made happier than others. Pessimists will see this as bad news, believing it really doesn't matter what you do -- they are never going to be any happier. But there is hope -- as any optimist will see! Happiness has more to do with how you construe the events in your life than the actual events themselves.

17. When do kids become adults?

Biologically, it's happening earlier; emotionally, it seems to be happening later. Nowadays puberty occurs in females between ages 8 and 14, between 9 and 15 in males. A generation ago, when you turned 18, you were out the door and on your own. Now we see kids in the Boomerang Generation coming home to Mom and Dad after college, hoping for a hand with bills, laundry, meals and other responsibilities of adulthood. It's cute for a while, less adorable the older the kid gets.

18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter?

No. Most teens aren't ready for anything close to a mature friendship. According to current research, the brain continues to develop into a person's 20s. Mothers often want to befriend their daughters; fathers, their sons. But this is not in anyone's best interest. Teenagers need to form identities distinct from their parents. That means: lots of privacy, even some secrets. It's usually easier for a teenage girl to befriend the friend of her mother, and it's usually best for the mother to leave it at that.

19. Does money really buy happiness?

No. Because happiness isn't for sale. Many people get tripped up by this one, amassing wealth only to find themselves cycling into a bottomless pit of unsatisfiable yearning. Turns out, joy and misery are not that far apart when it comes to very big wads of cash. Consider the case of a Kentucky couple who won $34 million in 2000. Thrilled to be released from the demands of their boring old jobs, they frittered their fortune away on fancy cars, mansions, all the usual stuff -- losing everything that mattered in the process. They divorced, he died of an alcohol-related illness, and she died alone in her new house just five years after cashing the winning ticket. When it comes to happiness, only people you love, and who love you, can bring it. If you have enough dough to buy yourself a luxurious yacht, but no real friends to sail with, you're sunk.

20. Can spenders and savers stay married?

Sure -- and they won't run out of things to talk about either. Disagreements over money are a leading cause of divorce, so experts advise lots of work around this issue if, financially speaking, you've found yourself married to your opposite. Tip: Always talk in terms of "ours" instead of "mine" or "yours," and work your strengths. The saver should be allowed to draft the budget; the spender gets to be in charge of vacations, celebrations and ordering extra toppings on the pizza.

21. Is money the root of all evil?

No. Greed is. Elvis nailed this one when he said, "Sharing money is what gives it its value."

22. What do you do if you see a parent berating a child?

Cringe. Take a deep breath. If you truly believe you can help the situation, approach as someone showing sympathy -- not as an accuser or member of the parent police. Empathize with the overstressed parent. Suggest that he take a deep breath. Tell him it worked for you.

23. Why is it so hard to say you're wrong?

Because it often involves saying, "I'm sorry," which is even harder. Throughout history people have found it easier to stop speaking to one another, punch, slander, shoot and bomb rather than apologize. Tip: Next time just say, "Whoops," and see what happens.

24. When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn't?

It's a matter of damage control. Is the person who asked you to keep the secret in danger of hurting himself or others? If so, intervene. Otherwise, mum's the word.

25. Does the toast really always fall buttered-side down?

Scientists in the Ask Laskas Kitchen conducted a study for which they first toasted an entire loaf of bread, one slice at a time. They buttered each slice, and dropped it from a variety of heights ranging from tabletop to ceiling. Among their findings: A dropped piece of toast never lands on its edge; stomping your foot and yelling "Darn!" does not change a thing; and the floor in the Ask Laskas Kitchen is not nearly as clean as we'd like. Well, life's like that. Never as neat as you'd like it to be. But keep buttering your toast. And savor every slice you've been given.

Monday: Hymn Of Evil Long Lost Soul

2010-05-24T16:06:00.001+08:00

Ok I know I should be grateful that I am in a relationship
Even though it is surprisingly
Not satisfying as what I expected it to be
And what they say about grass being greener on the other side
Is it true? .. Cause my curiosity is either going to kill me
Or just the bloody cat.. (* ok it’s a joke .. u can laugh at the pun now)
Anyway .. I am in a place where I would say that I am comfortable with
I mean what is there to search in life
Rather than soul happiness right

WRONG
What they say about human being
Being always insatiable for something else
Is definitely justified for me now

I am searching for something that I have never ever thought of searching before
I am searching for the lost of manhood and meanness in me

And hear me ROAR and SOAR …bitchess

Bad things happen for a reason

2010-05-21T12:54:00.001+08:00

My car is smashed to death: Spend time with family and friends back at home
My Boss is getting on my nerve: I can be the irreplaceable bastard of the year
My colleagues getting on my nerve: I can be their worst nightmare
My boyfriend acting all ass queens: I can be single and promiscuous
My booking ticket is cancelled: More money to spend in luxury item
My voice is cracking: I can have that Rock Star attitude
My Parents are over reacting: They paid all my expenses
My brother hogging over Streamyx : I bought Maxis
My phone condemned: Bought I phone
My hair is balding: I look good bald (looking like bad ass model never felt that easy)
My tummy is bulging: I am taking that Yoga and Pilates CD out
My friend canceled their vacation with me : I am backpacking alone without hassle

Overall
I love my life with this significance changes that is taking place
My mom said that I am too good
Well I am taking my mom advice
Hate me coz I am a bastard now ..bitches

*good Girl go to heaven
Bad boy go everywhere ..bitches

Is this the end…But Why?

2010-05-15T17:07:00.001+08:00

I always imagine myself having a beautiful husband
I mean a husband that I can depend on
A husband that I look forward too in life
(well looks is a must my dear…
I don’t intend to sleep with a person that I regretted every morning when I wake up)

Currently …
Well I have to say
That he is someone I look forward to every week
He is not that average looking men
He is one hell of a cute guy
(well at least to me )
And professional and all…

But I met someone yesterday
And he told me
Am I really happy?

I do have petty things that I hate about him
Well I guess a lot of people say that too about their other half right
They say the worst is to stay in a relationship
In hoping that there is a probability
That the people will change for you
Because…You can never change a person
And a person would not change because of you
Even if they do …
It would only lead to temporary change
Or disappointment to their life

But it made me realize
Is this the ending that I want?
Is it really worth it that
I still put on all the effort
Is it still?
For the price of him and his attitude life.

Why do you want him?
….
Up till now
I still do not have any idea why
*sex I can get elsewhere
*love I can always get better
*money...I got my own or maybe from my parent old money

So why do I still let myself suffer
In this never ending relationship …

WHY ?

Bitchy: The Other side of me

2010-05-13T12:43:00.000+08:00

I am known to be bitchy
Especially to people that annoys me
But I hardly get annoyed
But when I do
Please restrain yourself from
Even getting up close and personal with me

It all started millions years ago
I get a simple message of apology
But grudge is always been my middle name

I do have my rationale
And if someone were to be in my position
Are liable to be angry too
And thus I will not offend myself

Someone used to talk me out
To start talking my problem out
The last time I remember doing that
Well… I nearly lose my life

I think I think too much of this
And if the time is right
I might have to end this squabble up

I think I will try with the talking
Maybe this time …
It will take my life for real

Confession of a loser

2010-05-11T11:23:00.004+08:00

I have a confession
Sometime I have this plan that would work tremendously well in my life
If I ever follow it though
And when the time comes
And I will cowardly refuse to follow the order
Or I will let it pass
Or just plain run away from the situation
Cower away from the exact desire
Is part of my specialty in life!!!

And yet I have big dreams
-There is a guitar in my room
-Dumbbells that collecting dust
-Running shoes that is aged gracefully in my car boot

From tomorrow onwards I will follow my guts
I am going to the Beach
And let it go ….

I love my beach …

And I miss it too much

The Joker who had turned Sour

2010-05-10T12:20:00.001+08:00

Sometimes …out of a sudden
You just feel that you want to be revengeful
You just want to be evil
You just want to be not yourself
You want to be somebody else

Yeah.. You know it is not good for you
Especially to be equivalent to them
In a sense of being …particularly prime evil
And selfish and snobbish and all that come in between

But again..
I am experiencing one of the days
That I am not in the mood
That I am not in to be the joker
But the best part is that
It is fun
And I feel good about myself

I don’t feel used
I don’t regret
And at least…I got to teach them a lesson
On how it feels like without me
A real me in a day
….

Maybe I should keep this up for a week
See if they can handle it
(Actually right now I feel soooo glitteringly funny and want to smile and laugh
But at this point while typing. I am still doing my Fucked up face)

Monetary Values : My Opinion

2010-05-06T12:28:00.003+08:00

Holidays are never the best part of life for me ...
HAHAHAH ...kidding
I am now enjoying my nightlife to the maximum ..
daylife is however have been a boring part ..
(as If ...hahahhaha ...kidding)
Im having a blast ..

I also learn that sometimes
the person who thinks bad of you
is not worth keeping
no matter how nice they are in front of you ...
especially if they intend to get full use of you

I know ...I learn my lesson well ..
Monetary issues is a problem for me
I do admit that I scrunge on my money
in terms of the things that I buy
and I do love anything that is discount

But the reason why I do that
Is that I have more money to be spend on other people
So to think about it
I am not a selfish bloke
I share my share of saving with others

But like any other human
we all do need something in return ...
(well who does'nt will probably win Mother Theressa award from the world ...)
Such as love
affection
gift in return
I dont mean to request for expensive gifts
but ...well you get what u gift in return right
So the story goes

I do agree that I dont find dining in the most expensive place
is something to look forward too
but eating at a place where the ambience and
the food is reasonable is more of my type
and best ... If we can cook it ourselves
(hahahahh ...yeah I am currently in love with baking and cooking)

But to those who feel that they are currently
in this part of life ..
just remember ...
money is not everything
but it sure helps you living the life you wanted

And why would I befriend who thinks
that I am such a scrooge
When all this time
I think I provided more than they ever
given to me ...
Even on my birthday
(yeah ..they tell me im such a scrooge
but tell me if they ever bought me anything on my birthday ..
definitely not getting anything for me this year babe ... )

The Begining Of an Ending

2010-05-03T15:58:00.002+08:00

The song was playing while I was Driving:

Don't go changing,

to try and please me

You never let me down before

Don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

and I parked at the roadside and called

just to informed that I am on holiday

He might not be the perfecy person to others

but somehow he seem perfect to

Money Sense: The Real Culprit

2010-04-28T10:24:00.006+08:00

What happen when you have plenty of money to look at…
But you cannot spend it until for a moment in the future
Well that is what I am feeling right now
Distress
Because I know the money is there for me…waiting
But I am unable to use it for my own personal pleasure now

What I sense now is that I am more mature
In handling money … (yeah even my mom was proud of me)
Back then... I would say that I look forward to Friday night on my pay day
But now... I look forward to the materials that I buy on pay day

Well. Have to say my i-Phone was extraordinary
And I guess a lot of Guess is not that bad either right
But I think my most precious buy this year is

A big diamond ring glittered with saphires casted in white gold...
That cost me a bomb of course ...
For my mom … for this mother’s day

(after all she is the queen of my heart)

Heheheh … Yeah … I am a sucker for fine jewelry
And it is an investment when my mom past away...
Coz one thing for sure …
Diamonds are Forever

And GOLD …
well what can I say about putting that in my
Investment portfolio…

I Am What I Am

2010-04-24T16:23:00.006+08:00

I am happy that some of us manage to pull it off

and to those who have gain from "haram" sources

I wish you all the best....

And to those who had been true to themselves

I wish you all the victory in the world...

I might not be the best person to be the judge

So I let God above be the judge of that

And to those who judge me differently from God

I will not forgive them...( I am not a prophet on the first place to be all forgiven)

and I will let God give the right judgement to them

Sure there is a point of angry

and be the point of dissapointment

when things do not fall according to plan

But I have to thank God for fitting

the pieces of the puzzle together

For I am just a humble servant

who do not know the purpose

until I am shown to the path

I am human. And only God can be the judge of me

A gentle reminder to all of human kind

So if this is what is meant

I will make sure that is meant well for all the humankind

and For God faiths

Thank you Lord for giving me

the simple pleasure of life

For now, I would not exchange it in any other way...

Work: Dont blame me ...I told you so !!!

2010-04-19T16:00:00.002+08:00

“I can stretch only up to a limit.
But don’t blame me if I am demoralized”

The last status I made on my facebook
And Zilan too agree with me
Sometimes I amaze myself with words that come out from me
This is the point
That even monetary rewards do not interest me anymore
(Ok that’s bullshit ...But to a certain extend)

There are a lot that I wish things could have been better
In my work environment
But what I had learn from now till then
They could never listen to a boy
Or worst from a soft timid boy like me

So what am I to do?
Just work myself up I guess

The Trouble with Love: Mr E

2010-04-15T12:24:00.006+08:00

This is just my assumption
That Mr. E is not really into me
He is just ambiguously taken me in his life
As I am the one who actually run to him most of the time

"Why search, when you have someone who begs for you , Right ?"

Singing out loud a song from a soundtrack in the car this morning
And made me realize
The trouble with me and him is
Love

“Love can be a many splendored thing

Can't deny the joy it brings

A dozen roses, diamond rings

Dreams for sale and fairy tales

It'll make you hear a symphony

And you just want the world to see

But like a drug that makes you blind

It'll fool you every time”

The first Verse is what I felt right now
Obviously no roses and diamond rings
But the part where you hear symphony
And dreams for sale and fairy tales
Do occur quite frequently now and then
Even we are just having a dark affair

And then come this part of the Song

“Now I was once a fool, it's true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world's a deeper blue

I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too

I swore I'd never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn't worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name”

And it bring me to think that this is what
He is experiencing right now
And from my experience of broken relationships (Plural)
(And he had just had one)
I have to give a bit of time for him to readjust his sanity

But this is the fact ABOUT LOVE

“The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all”

*don’t you think Love is a bit unfair
Because you cannot choose the one you love

You will just love them when fate tells you to

Promiscuous? A Doubt.

2010-04-12T17:41:00.002+08:00

I was at the verge of having an affair by being with him
(Blame it on G4M)
It is not that I don’t love him
I just feel insecure whenever I am with him
He is my type of guy…
But the fact that I have to live under substantial in the closet
And unable to show off my trophy husband
Just because he is at his 40’s and in closet
Make me realize that maybe what I have in hand right now
It is not exactly what I want

I know what I want

But now somehow my perception of perfect relationship
Is deteriorated to the point of
Loving Mr. E being himself
A self centered person

I believe I will get back what I give someday
And someday he will realize that
What I have to give is somewhat pure and sacred
And it is not like he imagine it to be

Even when we do our calculation
On the good and the not so good in our relationship
It show that we are not meant to be together
but I am here to prove that sometimes
LOVE CONQUER IT ALL

Sir Elton John : The Prejudice

2010-04-09T12:37:00.004+08:00

Sir Elton John
is one of the person I look up to when I think of living my life to the fullest
We can always google up to know more about him
but the point that his personal life is not peachy perfect...
make me realise that ..

In some point of life ...you bound to meet someone that can change your perception
of having the most perfect life that a person should have

I am relating this story to my life
A perfect life

I am nbot living a perfect life
and why do I talk about love all the time ..

It makes me smile just to hear a beep on my cell
to know that someone misses me too
even we live in fear to be caught
but we still enjoy the last bit of moment we live in

that alone make me smile
even with all the tragedy and stress of life

that sound make me smile
and get me going for the next day

To Mr. E on this lovely friday:
While whispering slowly to his ear ...

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta
Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau
Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta
Sampai ku menutup mata
Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata

Eternal Love

2010-04-05T12:51:00.002+08:00

When you talk about love…
Sometimes it can bring tears
And sometimes it can bring a grin
But whatever the reason is
I have to admit
In where I live in
The word is still a sacred to the people surrounding me

My parents are celebrating their 39 years anniversary
And I hope one day …
I too will be able to celebrate it with the one I love

To my lover: this excerpt is for you

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ciggie : The End Of My Addiction to Mrs. FaggieLicious

2010-04-02T17:35:00.004+08:00

Dear Mrs. Faggie,

No matter how irrisistable you are in my life

I have to cut our relationship now

IT IS NOW OR NEVER

My addiction over you is OVER

you are free to haunt other youth Mrs. Faggie

PTPTN: THE MISERY

2010-03-31T16:35:00.003+08:00

I know, people have gone through the worst

when we talk about PTPTN

but all I can say is that

I am free of debt of PTPTN this coming May

And I think that would be the only debt that I will be forever remeber

Ricky Martin : Forever My Idol

2010-03-30T23:57:00.002+08:00

Ricky Martin: 'I Am a Fortunate Homosexual Man'

All I can say is ...I am looking forward to be like him one day
With a twin .Happily living together.

And Manage to say the exact words...

Longest Relationship: Kodok

2010-03-29T14:32:00.003+08:00

Kodok is no longer accompany me to my class
Kodok don't sing me Love Song
You dont talk to me when I walk you through that door
She dont bring me laughter anymore

I miss my Kodok
but I guess I have to move on
What The Sexy Peah is with me now
She is gone but will not be forgotten.

Thank You for being there. Being the best of my life.
*Playing song from the Wonder Years ....

Disini kau dan aku
Terbiasa bersama
Menjalani kasih sayang
Bahagia kudenganmu

Pernahkah kau menguntai
Hari paling indah
Ku ukir nama kita berdua
Di sini surga kita

Bila kita mencintai yang lain
Mungkinkah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
Sayangku akan hilang

2010-03-26T14:46:00.004+08:00

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ---Abraham Lincoln

Reach out
Studies show that relationships are vital to a positive outlook in life.I am in a exclusive relationship right now that even though it hurts sometime, but looking at the silver lining to it …It is the best that it has to offer to me now (and hope forever). And I had made a lot of improvement in reaching out to other people in the world. And most of them are real life and not virtually. A cup of coffee with them is the best thing that life could offer. And to those who have not reach out to people ..I really suggest they do this as it is better than Prozac.

Be thankful
From My past and looking at where I am now. I am bloody thankful. But the most Thankful things I could say is the fact that I can still enjoy everyday simple pleasure that come and enjoyed.

Live your passions
Living My passion ?...hmmm maybe not to other people view right now . But the fact that I am working my way to achieve mt dream of living my passion is the most satisfying job ever. It is my passion to talk non stop too you know!!!

Make do
This is something I am not capable to do entirely but somehow, I think I need to learn on this matter. Further studies it. I want to live my passion, and my passion does not allow me to make do with what I just have. I didn’t tell you on my passion right. I want to see people living in better condition. If not all, maybe more than now.

Enjoy the simple pleasures
The best things in life, often aren't things and they're usually free. And I am experiencing it more vividly now. My point: Exaggeration on this simple pleasure will be more rewarding than anything else in the world.

Hectic Life + Pressure + Dateline = Insanity

2010-03-25T11:39:00.002+08:00

By the way ..that is Me posing as a God with 8 hands due to my eagerness to fulfill my demanding hectic life …

This is just a piece from my scheduler on March 17th 2010

8.00 am Wake up
8.30 am Still on the bed
8.45 am Sitting on toilet bowl + fag = Investing
9.00 am Look myself in the mirror
9.15 am Arrive at work + Fag
9.45 am Look at monitor and start talking with customer
10.00am Posting blog + Fag
11.00am Blog hopping + Touch up attire
12.00pm Lunch + Fag
2.00 pm Start pick up calls + thinking of Fag
3.00 pm Fag + Homework on Next holiday destination
4.00 pm Fag + Tea + Reply Junk Emails
5.00 pm Pack Up to go back + Call Husband + Fag
6.00 pm Log Off
6.15 pm At home + Pilates + Dinner
7.00 pm Watch Porn
7.30 pm Driving to Class
8.00 pm Class = Gossip
10.00pm Class Finish
10.45 pm Still Gossiping –Pak Li Kopitiam
11.45 pm Still Gossiping – Pak Li Kopitiam
1.00 am Last Update on Face book and GayRomeo
1.30 am Masturbate / Sex (depend on the mood)
2.30 am Sleep after hot bath

That is about daily schedule that have been made for me for the last three months
Any amendment were to be informed and made appointment to changed at least two weeks in advance with notice of request
So as you can see ..I live a hectic life

101 Small Pleasures Of Every Day Life

2010-03-24T10:43:00.005+08:00

I found this in Yahoo Shine and thought that I should spread the words...
I am currently under a lot of pressure and reading this makes me realize that
I am experiencing simple pleasure of everyday without noticing it
I wonder how I will live by life without having all this...

A BMW and a great home is nice
But what is a house if it’s not a home right?
And what is a heart without a love on my own…right?
And what is a pleasure without knowing it on the first place …right?

coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)
crisp cotton sheets
soft skin
old family recipes
the first daffodils of spring
sleeping in
an exercise endorphin high
window boxes
a perfect cup of coffee
a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)
the way babies smell
a handwritten letter
waking up in a good mood...for no real reason
singing in the shower
finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket
doing something nice for your neighbor
a home cooked meal
laughing
movie theater popcorn
playing hookey
a bubble bath
swimming
an afternoon nap
street musicians
your favorite song
saying thank you
helping someone in need
old fashioned photo booths
fresh whipped cream
inspiring blogs
a glass of wine
rainy afternoons
the funny things kids say
a novel you can get lost in
finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale
clean laundry
the wind in your hair
treating the person behind you at the drive-thru
sharing an umbrella
the smell of lavender
a long walk that clears your head
a bear hug
The Beatles
smiling at a stranger
eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)
butterflies
staying in your pj's all day
singing along to the radio and knowing all the words
fresh herbs
ordering in pizza
happy endings...even if they're fictional
flying a kite
puppies
root beer floats
holding open the door...
...or having someone hold the door for you
fountain soda
white, fluffy towels
sunshine
spending an afternoon at a museum
really great advice
green lights all the way home
the sound of rain hitting the windows
sitting in a booth
holding hands
a great hair day with no effort
building a fort with your kids
when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder
fireflies
the perfect taco
geraniums on a windowsill
slow dancing
the smell of fresh-baked bread
cheesy, uplifting musicals
great stories
the smell of gasoline
the cold side of the pillow
love letters
old friends...
...new friends
a pull-through parking space
a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside
when a dog licks your hand
sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner
using your favorite dishes
reading your child a bedtime story
Girl Scout Cookies
flossing
Kissing someone you love
the smell of onions and garlic cooking
hot chocolate
jumping in puddles
old photographs
birds hopping on the sidewalk
Ella Fitzgerald
a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar
your softest t-shirt
a new magazine in the mail
fireplaces
having exact change
Jam and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning

I will be talking about this simple pleasure for the whole months of April . Comment is much appreciated. (this must be the longest Posty I have ever made in my entire bloglife)

Numb: A Diary of A Depressed Boy

2010-03-23T12:58:00.010+08:00

I have no idea but nowadays
I feel numb about my life
I have a lot to do and thing to act upon
But I feel numb
I smile on my day..
But it’s just on my lips …
I may laugh my heart out
But I am torn inside for no reason

AND NO ONE KNOWS
Not Even him

I just watched Happy by Leona Lewis
And this feeling is worsen
Am I Crazy again... I don’t like this feeling of gloominess

I think I need to conquer this...
I am not going to resolve myself to Zoloft anymore
To keep me through this confused and miserable life

Could it be that it was triggered by overdose
Only god knows

Whatever it is .. I need to start run and Pilates again
I need my share of endorphins

Endorphins = Zoloft

To those who are happy…Be thankful of what you got
For I am a person who have to work myself out
Just to be happy …

A Diary of A Depressed Boy

Soprano or Tenor

2010-03-22T14:05:00.006+08:00

Listen to a soprano yesterday. A failed date
But somehow I think that it is a blessing in disguise
He probably wouldn’t like it anyway

I enjoyed every moment of the citing
Even played the soprano song today
And last night
And through the subway

I did a research on how to become a tenor
I am interested in the point of me becoming a tenor
I know it is quite impossible
As I am still smoking

But everything must start with a dream, right?
A DREAM…Love and passion

Losing Appetite: Food, Men and Sex

2010-03-19T15:28:00.007+08:00

I come back to only found myself going to be buried with work for the next 2 weeks
A lot of yes a little less time to resolve
I also realized that people tend to be very emotional nowadays
Especially my friends that is near to me
All I can say is I wish them well
And please control the emotion wisely
For I am also speaking on behalf of myself too

Lately I am concerned about my diet too
I seem to have lose my appetite to eat
I only eat when it is the time
And I don’t enjoy the food that I eat
I just eat for the sake of eating and putting energy into my body
And I would just swallow
And not savor the food

Yesterday was the peak of this enigma
When I started trembling and feeling tired …sudden tiredness
At 11 pm while doing my homework

And that makes me realized
That I have skip lunch and dinner
Maybe I am stress!
But I have just got back from holiday
I am not sure why this is happening
And I am not happy about it

So now!!!
I have a valid reason for me to start indulging myself
In fast food for everyday lunch and dinner ..maybe breakfast too

I just did for lunch today
American Kentucky never taste this good

Being a Good Father

2010-03-18T12:50:00.006+08:00

I went for a holiday
And let me tell you that there are a lot of gorgeous men around
But in the end, I miss him a lot
Anyway ...by the end of the holiday
All thought that I am the best father that a father could be
And I was touched
It seem that I have an special influence first-class power bonding with any Aunty and Uncles around
I have the power to manipulate emotion into action
And the best part
They idolized me

Can’t help it if the straight men nowadays
Are all worthless and could not be a perfect husband
Or father on the first place

My brother might be a good husband and father
But I think I am better
DEFINITELY better

Anyway this makes me think
If I am financially stable and happily living together
I would definitely adopt a son

My mom is proud of me
I might love on the other side of the track
But what I lack in that way
I am sure that I play an important role to the nation
Rather than those men that think that they are men enough
But the fact is…they are just plain sucker

God is fair …REALLY FAIR

Dont Know Dont Care : Part 2

2010-03-12T16:43:00.002+08:00

Age: 27
DOB 21.03.1982
Favorite Color: purple
Johorian parentage: Muar
Early education: SPM in Kelana Jaya Seaport
Study in UITM
Working in Mox Linde S/B
Outdoor activities: Running
Indoor activities: Reading simple books
Movies: Romantic chick Flick
Fav spot: Beach
Music: Pop and Evergreen Oldies
Fav Singer: Barbara Streisand and Whitney Houston
Like to be in schedule
Currently balding
Fashion addict
Do not groom well
Have 1 older brother
I like to take long walk at the beach
Like to travel
Like to be in secure position
Love to bake cookies
Love to make someone happy
Journal every time I feel happy
Love plants and gardening
Listen to records when I want to feel romantic
Can be very romantic
Love to cuddle
Passion is express through French kiss
Love to talk and listen
A good listener
A problem solver
Controlling and possessive
Do not take vegetable but substitute with fruits (apples and pear)
A sucker for sweet food
Do not take spicy food
Not focus
White liar in some cases
Forgetful
Being so nice
Having a problem saying no
Shopaholic
Annoying and agitating
Provoker
Patients to attend other people problem
Impatient on the road
Persuasive
Soft spoken
Practice Pilates
Well mannered
Can bond with auntie2 in a short period of time
Very friendly
Have a passion to haggle
Sweat when anxious (armpit)
Mood swing (tactable)
Best companion in camping
Sucker for Lychee martini
People pleaser
A dog person. Never rear a dog before but in love with Lassie
Love culture
Can be Naïve at times
An IKEA addict
Clothes addict
Fussy and picky
Sleep with full blanket on and cuddle with bolster
Sleep naked
My room is a mess
Prefer using pencil rather than pen
Detailed
Indecisive
Promiscuous
A smoker but in the process of quitting (under Pfizer pills)
I can be worst than a housewife

Blessing in disguise : A night to remember

2010-03-11T10:55:00.009+08:00

I woke up early this morning …around 8.30am
Had my breakfast and took my time in the shower

A ciggie and the toilet bowl affair

Sit down and talk with my mom since I don’t remember catching up with her

And to my amazement
Our plan is postponed to Saturday

Although it upset me a bit to be in position of a victim

I am also happy
That I can have another night with my Mr. E

And at the same time

I will bring him his gift
I have to rush in order to buy his gift today
As I am afraid that tomorrow might come too late

*Pose Praying for tomorrow will be a better day for all humanity

Comfortable Zone: Is this truly happening?

2010-03-10T14:24:00.014+08:00

When we talk about comfortable zone
People tend to say that they reach their karmic pleasure

When they truly achieve material wise and financial stability

And yet I realize…

Some poor fisherman can achieve this too

So does socialite in the upper west city

Anyway the point is:
It is us who put the benchmark on where this comfortable zone is
For me … I have achieved mine .

A love to call my own
My own family that care and love for me
Friends that’s support my every decision
And most importantly self fulfillment.

So what is next?
What happen when you have a achieved what you want?
Well for me is to maintain the momentum and keep going forward

Maintenance is the key point here
But I think as I go along the way…I will surely find something to work upon
Such as charity and being selfless me …

I think I will try to concentrate more on Selfless Me

Je veux ton amour Mr. E

2010-03-08T13:10:00.003+08:00

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

Je veux ton amour

I don't wanna be friends

I just felt that sometimes I want his revenge
To be implemented to me
I know this is a bit sick …
Let me rephrase again...So sick

Insisting on that date
But somehow he made up his mind not going
So I wont pester him anymore

All I know..Just another 3 more days to my self recovery
Beaches and sand. Wind and Clear Sea view.
Will make me realize that there is more to life rather than just
LOVE

Bad Romance: Smitten to A Diamond Heart

2010-03-05T15:07:00.005+08:00

I have been listening to an eccentric song by a singer
Lady Gaga
Eccentric person with extraordinary sound
And the most simplest words in lyrics

But the effect is …-speechless-
Make me realize that maybe …I am stuck
Caught in a bad Romance

I want your ugly

I want your disease

I want your everything

As long as it's free

I want your love

(Love-love-love I want your love)

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

Je veux ton amour

I don't wanna be friends

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!

I don't wanna be friends

(Caught in a bad romance)

I don't wanna be friends

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!

Want your bad romance

(Caught in a bad romance)

Want your bad romance!

I want your love and I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!

I want your love and All your lovers' revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

So ..._Speechless-

Loyalty

2010-03-01T12:30:00.009+08:00

What is the real meaning of the word above is still an enigma to me
Yes I am liable to being promiscuous
As I believe that sometime when you put your heart too much on them
In the end you are going to hurt yourself again.

So I did my share of being a bastard
But I have a good reason out of it
Even though I love him so much
I do believe that reality is not always feel like fairy tales

I do not want to point out his disabilities to conform to our relationship
Or do I need to reflect on my end on the failed of being the perfect husband
It is enough to say that whatever written in the stars

And I don’t think I should be with him
But at the same time
I am still naked by his side …how could that be possible?

I am hurting being an imperfect lover
But at the same time I am scared if I do it differently
All will be banish from my life

Relationship Enigma

2010-02-23T12:12:00.004+08:00

When I go through of my past failed relationship
And the worst of my life encounters
I am relieved to find that they are those who suffer worst than me
(Wow, I am an evil person who take pleasure in on other’s misery)
Having a relationship with other people husbands
And having an affair outside marriage
And being stuck with a person that you can’t bear to live with
Is just some of the salt of life, I encounter throughout
Being a listener to other people cries for help

Not that I feel that there is a need to interfere
But the point is that
It is us who choose to have a complication in our life
It would be simple …It can be simple
But somehow the complication looks a bit more tempting to them I guess
Maybe it is the urge to feel the need to be love and be love in returned

Or addiction of love
Or just don’t like the feeling of emptiness and sense of belonging

Whatever it is
It is still an enigma for me too
But I think if I were to make my life more better
I should keep a distance on this type of complication

2010-02-22T11:45:00.005+08:00

Friday night

I went to a club to see my friend first time spinning as a DJ
And I took a bit of alcoholic drink
And went straight to have sex with Mr. E
And the good news is
I manage to get an erection and satisfied
So that is a good thing!!!

Saturday:

Wake up late
Shopping for warehouse
Missed out on best friend birthday
Make it up with Sex with Ayob
He is a person that could be nice
And at the same time insensitive
so what went wrong with me that I manage to actually still do it
I could not get over the fact that he is my first
And the worst:
To prove him that I still got it
Took pity on his failed relationship
But like what he said to me about a reflection of himself
“You are the one who let yourself in that position to be used”

Sunday:

Philharmonic
And endless sit down and talk for hours
But the best was a 15 min call
With Mr. E
I realize that maybe we have something in common
And a lot of differences
But one thing for sure
I need to keep my emotion at bay

He canceled ….
And I need to respect that
Am I liable for a bit of frustration?

I had an overdose

2010-02-19T13:50:00.010+08:00

Yesterday, I manage to ditch class as class been cancelled
And we went out dinner and just lepaking
So I told him about my encounter with the thing
To my surprise he knows about it
And he told me to take it in a bit more doses then I usually take
(the reason is that I keep on complaining that the effect is not as it would be in movies)

And to my surprise
The effect is not what I expected it to be
And I puke my heart out
And today I have the worst kind of hangover

There goes my protein shake through the drain
And the best part …
Wait …
Actually at my end…there was no best part

But at his end
The best part is his advice
(This is unlikely for me to get from him)

“see I told you that thing is not worth it
And plus not just it bring discomfort,

but it also is not as what you expected it to be
Things are not always look what it seem in the movies”

I do agree
So …this is what I am going to preach to other people

SAY NO TO DRUGS
Except those prescribe by doctors to cure for your sickness
There are no such things as recreational drugs
Nothing is recreational about puking, brain freeze and drowsiness to begin with
(thank god it was only 20 bucks)

Counting hours till I meet him

2010-02-18T13:47:00.008+08:00

It has been quite a while since I went to meet Mr. E
And I think this has been the longest that I could stand
I miss him a lot
Yeah I do have my share of being promiscuous
But when it comes to him
There is no comparison
And I do tell that to everyone that I meet
Yeah and that is no exaggeration
That is including my sex partner

Did I tell I will be vacationing to an island next month?
And at the same time
The person that I really thought could be my first and the last is going too
(Hmmm it started when I was 19 ...so first cut is the deepest)
Anyway ...didn't asked him whether will be staying in the same hotel or not
But looking at the probability
Definitely going to be there also with him
Well at least I will be going with my family
Family comes first
And that is that

And did I mention I took K....

(And no I dont plan to die of overdose like her)
And it was not as I was expected it to be
Will not go any further with that
It is not helping me with my dream of having that buffed up body like Alvey
So I guess will have to go through the routine like normal people do

I am doing it for Mr. E ...so he better be good
Or else....
I don't know what else is there ...

And there is a saying that people who thinks that they writes in English is superb
And that Bahasa Melayu is something that is considered third caste language
I don't mean to say anything to you people out there who thinks like that
For I am not a god or a professor to judge you on your judgment
But this is what i believe in Bahasa Melayu
It is a language that is serene and speaks of exotic love
It is the highest grand anthology to be sanctify for normal justification
It is the words that I would never use to describe daily routine
For the words spoken in Bahasa Melayu is so sweet
And enchantingly fine and grace that only meant for royalties and romance

As I am in the mood for love
I will end this with my true feelings for him

Jangan pernah tahu kemana perginya hati
Kerana hati itu hanya memendam rasa
Maka apabila hati itu ku selitkan cinta
Tidak tertanggung beban yang ditanggung akal
Kerana kini hati itu telah bersatu dengan cinta
Maka akal hanya menjadi sangsinya

And thus my love affair will forever be written in words of love

Post Valentine's: Sign, Sealed, Delivers ...

2010-02-17T11:48:00.002+08:00

Dear My Lover,

When you think that you are ready
It means that you have to look again and rethink
Are you ready?

"I realize that maybe I am not ready to take things to the next level
How do I know about this?
Well let’s just say
A certain someone gives me the outlook of my life
That could lead to a better ending
With a bit of patient and perseverance " ~ Peah Pungut

Anyway … some people move at own pace
And I think I have to respect that

And this time... I do really mean it

Alexander McQueen: In Memory

2010-02-12T17:47:00.002+08:00

The truth be told that
That a Man’s love for a mother
Is undying …

For there is no other women more holy and true
than a mother

For he is gone but will not be forgotten

I am tired of being different

2010-02-11T12:20:00.004+08:00

I am tired of being a typical gay

Of trying to fit what social expect me as a gay to be.
Is it possible if I start to act normal for a change?

Just a thought that I don’t think will materialized
But I think this is the point I am going to say about me
When others start giving comment on my diverse personality

“I am only different if you choose to look at me differently”

And she was not there ….

2010-02-10T12:00:00.006+08:00

After thinking and talking with people who I believe have the most significant impact to my life
I went through the day breezily with a bit of hope and a bit of anxiousness

Even the hardest test did not kill my determination to go there
And at clock strike 9.44 pm …
I went there
Walking ever so dramatic to the site of my heart that matters

Crushed she was not there..
Still not dampened by the fact that she is not thee
I went to ask the colleagues if she is around

They don’t even know her name
They don’t even know if she exists

Maybe I didn’t get her name right from her name tag
Maybe it was just a dream
Maybe it was just a beautiful nightmare
That I want to believe that it could be true

Maybe

I have still not made up my mind
I know there is a probability of us

But how can I make sure the probability is there If the main figure is not even a valid number on the first place

I Dream Of Genie

2010-02-09T11:19:00.006+08:00

I have a weird dream last night

It got me thinking
I was wooing a girl that I know off
And it got me thinking

Should I try to get married and leave this life of being a PLU
I know this may sound a bit sudden
But the dream somehow makes me realize that
If ever I want a happy ending
I really have to think about the ending that I should choose
I know right now that I am currently in a relationship with the man that I adore
But somehow
I am rethinking of how far could this love last
I mean .. I do want a perfect normal life

I also know that it would hurt the women that I married
If they got to know that I am gay on the first place

But somehow...
There is possibilities right that it could end up a happy ending
A better life
A better future
A better ending

As I look into gay life's ending
It always ended with tragedy

I am thinking maybe it is about time that I should take the chance

Maybe...I should get her number
And asked her out for a date

FYI: it is unlikely for me to dream of someone that I know off
And to dream a girl that I only met once ...is somewhat different

Maybe ...I should

The Imperfect Proposal

2010-02-08T11:59:00.004+08:00

When all the things in life seem so perfect
You bleed to just feel that there is a possibility that what you have is not a dream

I have a verbal diarrhea again with him during last weekend
And this is the jeez of what have said and done

He said that he doesn’t mind if I go ahead to find another person to have my deprived sexual desire fulfilled as long as I do it safely

He don’t want me to treat him like a husband and he doesn’t want me to take care of him too much

The reason: he can’t be there for me 24/7

So we have made an agreement that we won’t be seeing other people. But we limit ourselves to just be friends and not more like husband and wife
I think I can live with that as I am not living with him

But the worst part is that:
I have to restrain myself from being a soccer mom from nowadays onwards
I have to make myself a busy career woman

And I hope our date on March will be materialized

So what do you think about this Message:

*OK. I can’t be there 24/7 also. You know what I like about you. You can make a sense out of it. I am going to be Loyal. I want a sense of belonging and I feel that with you. Nite* Peah.Pungut

*Good. But don’t treat me like we’re married k. Then Im OK. Nite * Mr E

Not the perfect answer…But sure melts my heart….

And the Result is

2010-02-06T20:18:00.004+08:00

I don’t know whether this is true or not

But when I went online and do my test on

Whether we are in Love or Lust?

It stated that I'm in Lust

And 63 % out of it …

Should I trust my intuition or the facts and figures?

“ Your score is 63. Lust and love are easy to confuse. The biggest difference, love is kind, lust is intoxicating. Based on your answers it seems like you are more in lust than in love.”

Am I ?

YES..Yes...yEs.yeS..In any other word is still YES

2010-02-05T12:40:00.007+08:00

A Yes will lead to a chicken dance ..and a wooohooo and a smile that leave on forever and ever

Yes … is definitely a spectacular word

A yes is all I need right now ..and that is what I got from him

A yes ….

Why am I telling you all this ????

Well the reason is … he has agreed on our first date (well this times its official…)
And I am going to make the best out of it …

The most romantic time ever …in his entire life …

Injury : I Cut My Index Finger

2010-02-03T13:38:00.002+08:00

Just when I am about to get my wedding Ring

I just cut my index finger this morning while cutting apples for my lunch
And I think it is the worst cut ever

I lost some flesh from my finger and the bleeding is the worst
I didn’t go to any clinic yet

But I guess this will be my point to actually cut on exercising
I cant lift weight
And I can’t run anymore due to scared there will be an excessive bleeding through my index finger

I do wonder:
What if the bride were to be married tomorrow and they have this kind of cut?

That would be my worst nightmare

PS: I wont be masturbating for a few weeks also due to my injuries ..
So that we will see whether I am a SEX Addict or not

The Worst Is Out: I am In LOVE

2010-02-01T12:07:00.002+08:00

Yeah, He might not be like him
but I do Love him

And I will respect our secret affair

Of all the things that comes to my mind is that ...
What DO I WANT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP ?

I myself are unsure of what I want

anyway, It feels good to say this to strangers:

"Tempting but Sorry , I am in a relationship with my boyfriend. Thank you"

Damn it feels good..very good...Better than Chocholate Fudge

Angel and human : Who would you choose ?

2010-01-26T11:58:00.006+08:00

I know of course you will choose angel
I had made sin in my entire life. So bless me god
But of all the sin that I made
I think yesterday night was the worst
I had made myself down right filthy by being a bastard
I have been unfaithful
with an angel …..(Yep ...and I'm Not exaggerating)

Perfect Body ..Six Pack and chiseled chest

Gorgeous face

…hmm hmm …The best …
Everything is perfect ...(Again ..I am not exagerating at all on this ... Cross my heart)

But like a quote : You like Creambule …you don’t want a jello
I had to swallow it with a regret

I may like and would love to have Creambule …
But I would always and still love my Jello
Nothing can compare to my Jello
I hate that I love Jello but my body speaks its emotion better than my mind
I couldn’t even get a hard on
On a hot angel
And I did not even come

To my Jello : I am truly loyal to you ..from this day onwards

“Don’t Know. Don’t Care”

2010-01-25T12:13:00.005+08:00

I am emotionally instable nowadays
I have no idea why
And I don’t think it is good for me
I actually losing sleep because of a remark
“Don’t Know. Don’t Care”

The next thing I know...I have a verbal diarrhea
And things get messy from there onwards

But when I get the real story at his ends
I will somehow melt and know that there is more to life
Than just a stupid remark

P/S: That remark is somehow used by me too sometimes and I think I will not allow that to happen anymore. Will try to exchange it to: I am sorry, I am not aware. Let me get back to you on that.

Laskar Pelangi

2010-01-22T15:20:00.003+08:00

Bring me back to reality that Wealth is not the only reason for happiness

Yesterday Lesson : You have to be Deaf to be Great

2010-01-21T12:22:00.004+08:00

I know a lot of people like to talk behind my back(OK agreed also that I am paranoid most of the time )
And that will bring me down ( I dont show it too often)

And only those who are deaf can only go to the limit
Yeah DEAF ..That's what the DEAN says

But if you are deaf and blissfully ignorant of your surrounding
How can you achieved any information that is required right?
Determination?
Hahahhahahah ..if only that works for me

Anyway..Attitude wise
I think it does reflect on your behavior
For me..My life is about party and enjoying life
And I think (let me rephrase again …THINK)
That this should stop

You know what I am thinking right now:

I think that I should be a soccer mom
Which used to be a stripper ….

If McCartney and Heather Mills can do it …SO can I

Can you Off the Air cond..???

2010-01-20T09:40:00.004+08:00

“Can you Off the Air cond..it's a bit to chilly for me”

Teet* Off Air Cond
Click * On the ceiling fan

*I know how things work around here now …*
“It has been a year..Of course you do …”

I didn’t make any mistakes right?

I have been talking about him so many times in my post ..
I know it has been a year and I know it is quite early for me to say this
But I am in love with him
Yeah . we had ups and downs last year
But we manage to pull it off and he was surprise too of how we manage to pull it off ourselves
And as in early of the year I hope that this will stay forever ongoing
But as someone says to me
*A very wise word *
All good things will come to an end

I will cry and I will feel the lost when all the things is gone
But up till then ..I will treasure them
Till death do us a part
*Nope, we have not come to terms of saying the nuptial vows yet *

But I am Optimistic about this ....

I am Still on Cloud 9

2010-01-18T17:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it is hard not to believe in Love

When all seem so far and unattainable
But just a speck could burn back the flame again

I am a fool for burning flame

Let the Jury have their say

2010-01-13T11:02:00.003+08:00

You know when you initiate something
And in the end someone gets hurt
And you feel bad …no; worst about it

Even though you feel comfortable in the zone
And you know someone is suffering out there because of you

And yet there is nothing much you can do to return back the hands of time
And wish it never happened
Wish it was just a nightmare
Wishes it …was better

I feel bad. I feel Bad. I feel BAD. I FEEL BAD.

Actually I feel worst than Bad

I am a Psycho Bitch

2010-01-12T11:22:00.004+08:00

Blame it on my being a spoilt brat
Blame it on my wanting everything my way
Blame it on my youth
Blame it on my everything …..

But don’t blame yourself on this
For you do not have the intention or the heart
To feel what I feel to be in my position right now

To see the sunshine every morning on your face
To be the last face before closing my eyes
To cuddle in front of the TV on weekend
To brush your hair off your face
To hear you snore in my arms while sleeping

To be the best person you could ever have

But then again ….When I ask something in return
All I get is a Psycho Bitch

Thanks for curing me of my addiction with Love

In Loving Memory of Ayob